Why you keep dating the bad boys


Have you ever watched “The Secret”? If not, you can check it out on Netflix.

It has a great message— you... are the one that is in control of the way your life is.

What I love about it, is that it puts you in the driver’s seat of your reality— that realization alone changed my life for the better…

I was so excited, as soon as I was done with the movie I made my vision board and began manifesting. I put a picture of a couple playing in the ocean and having fun.

I would see myself in that picture and I would feel the feeling of joy and playfulness and then let it go. 

What I did was the basic principle behind “The Secret”:

  • Visualize and feel what you want.

  • Let it go and let the universe work it out for you.

However, after doing this, I would step out of my imaginary world and into the real world and... still attract the “bad boys.”

This was not what I was manifesting with my vision board.

Over and over again I attracted the same type of men into my reality. They were either:

  • Alcoholics

  • Substance abusers

  • Narcissists

  • Cheaters

— they were @55h013s!  

WTF? Right!

I still had hope, though— my dad recommended that I talk to a therapist about why this was happening. I tried different ones. And then I finally decided to stick it out with one for a bit.

He helped me to see that I was dating my mother. They were alcoholics, emotionally unavailable, and they had unpredictable emotional outbursts.

For me, this was a big revelation! (And, slightly disturbing.)

According to “The Secret” the key component to manifesting what I desired is maintaining a higher, positive vibration. 

But, there I was, dating men who had the same problems my mother did!

So, I would leave the therapy session feeling more pissed than I was when I entered! 

How is that for maintaining a higher positive vibration. 

Here I was, I knew my problem, and I wanted it fixed! 

But even though I was aware of all these things, why couldn’t I change what sort of guys I was attracting and attracted to, no matter how hard I tried? No matter how many therapy sessions I went to it didn’t fix my problem. Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing therapy, it is a wonderful tool, just one that gave me awareness but didn’t change how I was experiencing the world. 

Some might say, oh now that you have conscious awareness you can change it. Just start picking different men. The problem was, I was so attracted to these bad boys and they were all I noticed. And they noticed me!  It didn’t matter if friends set me up, of it I met them on an online dating app, or if I met them at work… I was attracting this into my reality. 

Well, once I gained a better understanding of how the brain works, I began to better understand why this was happening to me over and over again.  

When we understand how the brain works we can work with it and not against it. And therefore change the sorts of men we attract and are attracted to.

To learn more about how the brain works video entitled “This is our brain on love”

Jessica Dufour
Master NLP Practitioner—Specializing in helping women who want to stop dating the wrong kind of guys.